6 kinds of love

socratesvalentine’s day tomorrow. let’s talk about love.

but what kind of love?

we’re all familiar with eros – the heady, emotional high of romance, sexual love and infatuation. it makes the world go round; or, more specifically, it twirls the world in a spin.

agape (pron. ah-gah-pay) is another type of love people often talk about. it is unconditional love, the love god is said to have for people, or the brotherly/sisterly love i’ve observed so much among some homeless people: a deep caring for each other. it’s not spinny; it’s grounding.

philia is the love experienced in friendship.

in the book socrates in love: philosophy for a passionate heart, philosopher christopher phillips introduces us to these and more ideas on the rainbow that is our multi-layered, multi-faceted experience of love. here is a summary (with thanks to sarah boyes):

it’s interesting to note that philosophy itself contains the word love – it’s the love (philos) of wisdom (sophia).

phillips is the founder of the non-profit society for philosophical inquiry (which is not ‘anti-academic’ but ’embraces a type of vibrant and relevant philosophy’). an itinerant philosopher, he embraces coffee shop culture and holds ‘socrates cafés’ – a discussion group he sets up wherever he happens to be. similar maybe to our philosopher cafés here in vancouver (but perhaps a bit less pretentious intellectual)?

in his book, phillips discusses eros, storge (familial love), xenia (love of strangers), philia, agape and then ‘socratic love’.

boyes cites as interesting examples phillips’ investigation into

what it is to love a country in a time of political tumult: in a section on castro, phillips tells us, ‘my brother and i, too, have been blinded by ideology. it distorted the passionate idealism for which we risked our lives’

a section on post 9/11 america and hurricane katrina, exploring why we help strangers

the words of an american soldier posted in iraq that throw light on why people risk their lives for their countries

love between friends, sympathetic towards deep-rooted and meaningful relationships …

socratic love: ‘we should continually seek for new ways of being human that lead to greater human beings’.

(sidebar: amusingly, boyes, who doesn’t seem to be entirely convinced of the quality of the book (it looks like the type of ‘everyman’s philosophy’ that phillips espouses isn’t quite her thing) gives no indication that the term ‘socratic love’ used to be a bit of a euphemism for male homosexuality, especially the type of homoeroticism that, in times when it needed to be under cover, occurred under the guise or with the help of studying together.)

so … what do you think? do you think it’s useful to differentiate between different types of love (if you say no, you’re not a student of sanskrit – apparently sanskrit has 96 words for love)?

38 thoughts on “6 kinds of love

  1. Scott

    I’m not sure if I even want to try to define love. I’d rather just try to live it. That said, I think the most beautiful “definition” of love comes from St. Paul:

    “Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

    Love never ends.” (1 Corinthians 13)

    Scott’s last blog post..How To Start A Healing Journal

  2. Jeff

    I think it is better to leave the interpretation of love to the eye of the beholder. There is nothing more precious than love except maybe life its self.

    I really like this quote:

    When the power of love overcomes the love of power the world will know peace.
    Jimi Hendrix

    To think that there will ever be World Peace is the essence of love. All that is spent on war and hate could be used to feed the starving and bring comfort to those in need.

    Thank you so much for your writing about love today. I hope that you and all your readers have a wonderful Valentine’s Day!

    Enjoy Life!


  3. Evan

    I think distinctions can be very helpful.

    I think it can be a useful discipline to paraphrase what we mean and state it in other words too.

    These things help us be clear and get to grips with what we are talking about. And getting to grips with love I think is important for us in our relationships and the future of our planet.

    Evan’s last blog post..Sexuality and Intimacy

  4. Thea M. Blog

    What a deep discussion on the subject of love, I wish all bloggers took subjects of discussion to such a deep level.
    I think you are right, there are many different kinds of love.

  5. isabella mori

    thanks for all the comments, people!

    @scott yes, definitions are funny things. come to think of it, they can be a bit like diagnoses. they both clarify and and imprison.

    @jeff, great to have you here again! yes, of course love is in the eye of the beholder. and it’s interesting to describe what that eye sees.

    thanks for the jimi hendrix quote. now there’s someone whose music i love! 🙂

    @evan, thanks for all the wonderful comments you’re contributing here. i personally find it useful to contemplate the subject of love, too. describing something, if only to myself, often increases my appreciation of it.

    @thea, welcome to this blog, and thank you for the WONDERFUL compliment!

  6. Ramon

    We feel good when we make the people we love feel happy. The person you love, who loves you in return, wants to know what he or she does that makes you happy and wants you to describe those things in your own words.

    Love is a feeling and love will grow. I may start out liking someone as a friend that could grow into loving them completely. However if this love is not growing in my partner love could die in me.

    Yes, Love is very personal!

    I guess we could say a rose is a rose is a rose, the same is with love. Love is love but only as I see it as love.

    Thank you for your time.

    Ramon’s last blog post..Write A Love Letter

  7. ♥♥♥laLa♥mikO♥♥♥

    ♥♥♥love is not only a strong feeling it is a decision, a judgment and a promise…

    well i love my miko so much…

    love has reasons but unexplainable ♥♥♥

  8. karthick

    all of u left one love…it has another meaning also…..tat means u r not scored r ur score is zero in sports.ha ha ha

  9. lhady_marj

    .. love for me is heaven .. gravesh ,, so strong feelings lng nmn xia ,, so masaya if your ilove ??
    .. i’m ryt dabah ?? ,, agree keu don .. hahahakzz im so inlove nga actually eeh ??

  10. tina

    luv is a strong feeling of being together. its a part of life s wat everybody tel. but no. luv s wat life s. a person becomes carcass without luv. oly ven luv felt it shows or tels ur alive. d substitute 4d word luv s emotions……. express it to ur luved one….

  11. Diep

    I’d say that there is only one love. If you’ve ever loved someone I sure there was no difference btw your partner (girl/boyfriend) or someone else.

    There’s love on the one hand and friendship or sexual attraction on the other. Love is solely love – undividable

  12. kaamera

    love is a four-letter word that has a million meanings. So unexplainable when you feel it. And if you experience it, it’s like accepting the truth, that when you love, you will be hurt.

  13. Macyyyy:)

    Love is everything… It is happy, it is sad, it is peaceful, it is chaos… Love is wonderful, and terrifying…

    All in all it’s just being with a person, whom you are willing to share everything and entrust with your [fragile] heart!

    Love isn’t a material, not materialistic at all…

    Love is someone you hold onto and never want to let go, someone you need when you are upset, or sad.

    But love isn’t always a person… Love is a feeling, a warm, fuzzy feeling in your heart and chest… It’s like a special high, that you can only get from love itself.
    Sometimes love is anxious. But as long as you know that love is NOT infatuation… It’s love…

  14. soulman

    Love is the pain we are ready to bear because of someone else without the sting of pain being felt;
    It is the height we are ready to climb, though we know a fall means a crash;
    It is the trouble we take for a friend with unfeigned smile;
    It’s the peace our presence brings to the life of one that is in the midst of crisis;
    It’s the stage we get to that we wish to spend and be spent to put a smile in the face of the other person.
    So, love is a feeling, a doing, a saying and a staying; it is a pain, a way and a rain.

  15. 2FAST


    HONES + INTREST + SMART = long live
    ladies + approch + buiti = never secced

  16. lockedjusay

    love is business!
    it is about getting that is why there is giving.
    every lover intends to get something, material or emotional edge, that is why he gives “love”.

  17. sophie

    Love is a choice and a sacrifice. But it is the best experience for any human, for we were created to love.

  18. amor myzara

    love start with smile, grow with kiss and end with tears! love is like quicksand, the deeper it is to fall, the herder is to come out.

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