lindsay from dizzyisland has made a decision:
After a little encouragement from my psychiatrist on Friday, I decided to bite the bullet and begin my food and exercise plan …
Basically what my doctor said to me made a lot of sense; at first I wasn’t hearing her, but she finally got through to me on Friday. I’ve spent years and years planning and anticipating, and not a whole lot of time actually doing. It was good to have someone there to call me on my shit, recognize my behavior pattern for what it was, and suggest that I jump right in the pool with no hesitation.
Yes, I still have a couple days left of work; yes, it’s going to be hectic; yes, I’m clueless as to whether or not I’m going to get paid yet while I’m off; yes, I have to travel to my hometown this week; but, I’m in the care of God now. There’s nothing to be afraid of. My belief that I can’t make it through a day without self-medicating, by any of my various means, is false. It’s an illusion. I can get through a day without (fill in the blank).
darn courageous, lindsay, and way to go on getting your food and exercise in order! making the move from planning to doing sounds so easy on paper. saying that you can make it through the day without self-medication sounds so healthy. pronouncing that there’s nothing to be afraid of sounds so logical.
and all these things are so hard to do in actual practice.
or at least, so it seems. the metaphor of jumping in the water is so fitting. last time i went swimming (something i don’t do very often), it was the same way: here i was in my bathing suit, already a little cold, walking around the pool, looking for the best way to avoid the shock of entering the water. so cold! so wet! so … not dry, so not the what my body is used to! in a small way, i was dreading the impact of this new experience, i was dreading the moment where the rubber hits the road, so to say. there was a part of me that completely resisted the transition as well as the newness of it.
and then i got in, and within a second or two everything was fine.
i hope everything will work out ok for you, too, lindsay.
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