this is the second interview for this blog’s very own eating disorder’s week month spring. the first one was a three-part series on eating disorders and relationships. here is an interview with a vancouver woman who has struggled with recurring eating disorders, including anorexia, orthorexia and bulimia, and is currently maintaining a healthy weight with a healthy diet.
isabella: you say you’ve learned to stop obsessing about food. do you find that stopping that obsession is absolutely crucial for recovery, or does it just happen to be a tool you find useful for yourself?
vancouver woman: i’ve not been witness to anyone who’s recovered the same way i did. most people i knew who were in recovery were as obsessive as me about their diets; they were being told to eat more calories but they were still being tallied.
for me, letting go was critical. my ED phased between bulimia and anorexia with orthorexia; the orthorexia was very obsessive because it wasn’t just thinking of fat and calories but also the quality of the food and pesticides and additives, etc. i was vegan for a time too, which added yet another layer of concern and guilt. (now there’s the carbon footprint to worry about too!) it got so extreme that when i went into market there would be barely a half dozen items i was “allowed” to buy. that restrictiveness spiralled, i was vegan too and there was hardly anything i “could eat.” so i had to eliminate all restrictions and learn to get over the guilt and self-monitoring and calculating. to eat naturally again i had to start letting myself eat *anything* and not measure consequences.
do other people need to do that? i would say it depends how deeply obsessed they are.
isabella: can you give a “before and after” example of a particular type of food or behaviour around food?
vancouver woman: i had a small handful of recipes i made all the time because i knew what the calories and fat were thanks to online calorie counters; tally up the ingredients then divide and plan meals. that meant fewer and fewer convenience foods. might sound great, right? ultimately i was eating only homemade vegan soup with few ingredients because otherfood was too hard to make, to control and justify with all my rules. i never ate out, either. the more spartan and virtuous my diet became, the more rewarding it was (so was the weight loss) which kept it going.
now i don’t consult calorie counters at all, and don’t follow diets that require it. i admit i still look at labels when shopping but it’s for general quality info (like avoiding MSG).
isabella: “letting go” sounds so simple – and can be so difficult to do. do you have some tips about how to let go of the obsession about food?
vancouver woman: i had to stop all forms of restricting. all at the same time i stopped counting calories, stopped being vegan, stopped buying organic-only food. all the rules and barriers i’d created to keep myself from eating.
but the disorder wasn’t just about food, it was obsessing over my body too, so i also stopped weighing and measuring myself. all the numbers, conditions and pre-requisites had to go.
from there it was a matter of being mindful of having chosen to remove those restrictions. reminding myself again and again not to feel guilt or fear about food. “no guilt” became a mantra.
isabella: having learned how to let go of the obsession with food, do you find that this letting go is helpful in other areas of your life, as well?
vancouver woman: i can’t think of anything, no. my mindfulness skills were acquired before my recovery (independently of it; i never had a therapist work with me on my ED, nobody covered by insurance had special training) so i was already practicing.
isabella: is there anything else you would like to add?
vancouver woman: i do have a small regret about giving up veganism, because i support it in principle and have friends who are vegan (some people judge me for it now, not knowing my history). i don’t often eat meat beyond seafood, but fear that if i relabel myself i’d go back to scanning ingredients for reasons to put food back on the shelf (eggs are in so many things) and it could be a slippery slope.
i do choose healthy food a lot anyway. i genuinely prefer the taste of tofu!
This is inspiring?
I’m not much into eating disorders but this sounds alot like Geneen Roth’s approach.
Evan’s last blog post..Not Taking it Personally and Personal Responsibility
Profoundly interesting site. I have a loved one who has had eating disorders since the age of eleven. I keep asking myself what I did wrong. It has impacted all her relationships with family, though she seems happily married. When I hug her, it feels as though she will break. Thanks so much for the informative site.
askcherlock’s last blog post..Okay, Here Is a List Of My Gripes
I work at a drug and alcohol rehabilitation centre in Thailand that also accepts people with eating disorders. The lady, Amyra, that runs the spiritual side of our programme has a remarkable personal story about EDs and body image issues. She shares her story on her blog. She is incredibly inspirational, I would suggest that anyone struggling with body image issues and EDs take a look at her blog.
http://www.theamyrarecords.com
Very nice post and great blog you have here. Although I can’t help but notice that you don’t capitalize your words properly. It would help establish you as an authority (and help your readers read more fluidly) if you do. In any case, you write great stuff! Bookmarked!
Dr. Mercola’s last blog post..Chocolates vs Muscadine Grapes – Dr. Mercola Lets You Decide
thank you very much, dr. mercola, and thanks for the bookmark.
as for the lower case letters – see here http://www.moritherapy.org/article/letter-writing/
@evan, i have a question. you say “this is inspiring?” do you feel it’s uninspiring – or is there possibly a typo … ?
Oops. It was the question mark that was the typo.
Evan’s last blog post..Personal Update
I’ve read some of your article and I have a question about your style: you never use capital letters, why? Is it a question of saving the time, or just device to distinguish your blog from others? I see that commentors in here are also fllowing this tendency! I think it’s great, it’s like you are creating your own corporate culture!
hi sarah – i’m really glad you like this!
here is a post about the lack of capital letters: http://www.moritherapy.org/article/letter-writing/
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Working in rehab for the past 12 years has taught me that addiction comes in all shapes and sizes.
Many people that enter drug and alcohol rehabs in Thailand also suffer from eating disorders. The two are often tied together and part of what we need to unravel.