nonviolent communication

a challenge issued by the nonviolent communication site:

The Center for Nonviolent Communication (CNVC) would like there to be a critical mass of people using Nonviolent Communication language so all people will get their needs met and resolve their conflicts peacefully.

10 things we can do to contribute to internal, interpersonal, and organizational peace:

(1) Spend some time each day quietly reflecting on how we would like to relate to ourselves and others.

(2) Remember that all human beings have the same needs.

(3) Check our intention to see if we are as interested in others getting their needs met as our own.

(4) When asking someone to do something, check first to see if we are making a request or a demand.

(5) Instead of saying what we DON’T want someone to do, say what we DO want the person to do.

(6) Instead of saying what we want someone to BE, say what action we’d like the person to take that we hope will help the person be that way.

(7) Before agreeing or disagreeing with anyone’s opinions, try to tune in to what the person is feeling and needing.

(8) Instead of saying “No,” say what need of ours prevents us from saying “Yes.”

(9) If we are feeling upset, think about what need of ours is not being met, and what we could do to meet it, instead of thinking about what’s wrong with others or ourselves.

(10) Instead of praising someone who did something we like, express our gratitude by telling the person what need of ours that action met.

which one do you find easy? which one seems hard?

i find this one a bit challenging: “if we are feeling upset, think about what need of ours is not being met, and what we could do to meet it, instead of thinking about what’s wrong with others or ourselves.” when i’m really upset and a solution does not easily present itself, i do end up thinking about my unmet needs – but really only once i’m feeling backed into a corner.

remembering that all humans have the same needs – well, that’s always been pretty obvious to me. i think in many ways it goes even further: plants, animals, to a degree even things have needs, too: to be cared for, to be treated with respect.

isabella mori
counselling in vancouver

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