Tag Archives: books about psychology

emotional!

does this happen to you, too? once in a while you look at an obvious fact for the 1,285th time and all of a sudden, its profound truth hits you like a ton of bricks.

for the last few days, this profound truth was – well, let me say it this way:

humans are 60-70% water and 98-99% emotion.

as you can guess, this post is be mostly about emotion (i’ll leave the water to my good friend raul) although it is interesting to note that in some traditions, water is intimately connected with emotion – in most pagan traditions, for example, as well as in jungian thought.

freud spoke of the thin veneer of civilization, and boy, is it thin. even when we are rational (for example, in science). or maybe even then. how edgy we get when our thoughts/logic/rational arguments/fill-in-the-blanks are challenged! anger and fear arise, the stomach knots up, blood pressure rises, heartbeat increases and wham! we fight back. if we stay “rational”, our arguments will not be physically violent or replete with swearing; they will be well crafted and most likely laced with sarcasm, knowing we are right, an unwillingness (and inability) to hear the other and a frantic scrambling for hitting the other with more facts that prove our superiority.

the funny thing is that a truly rational response would be to reach out, to soften, to be curious. that is, assuming that one has in mind to have a true exchange between equals, which again would be a rational thing to do. we could define rational behaviour according to psychologist albert ellis as

acting, emoting and thinking in ways that are alternative-seeking, realistic, flexible and most importantly self- and social-helping and functional in helping humans in achieving their personal and social goals and desires

and somehow we find this incredibly difficult. currently i’m reading three books (you always have at least five books on the go, too, right?) that show just how deeply important emotion is to us. one is mark goulston’s just listen who keeps driving home the fact that in order to interact with people rationally, we need to make sure that they can actually hear us, without being prey to the “amygdala hijack”. the amygdala is part of our limbic brain (sometimes referred to as the reptilian brain) and initiates the fight or flight response. it compares incoming information (e.g. facial expressions, tone, body language, smells, etc.) with emotional memories. an amygdala hijack occurs when the amygdala decides that the information it has just processed threatens survival and hence any reaction needs to be fight, flight or freeze – and not be directed by the frontal cortex, which is the part that helps us act rationally (i.e. the amygdala “hijacks” decision making power from the frontal cortex). the amygdala will react similarly to the threat of being eaten threatened by the woolly mammoth and a perceived emotional attack.

the other book is daniel ariely’s predictably irrational. from the jacket cover:

not only do we make astonishingly simple mistakes every day but we make the same types of mistakes … we consistently overpay, underestimate, and procrastinate. we fail to understand the profound effects of our emotions on what we want, and we overvalue what we already own.

fortunately, ariely proposes that

these misguided behaviours are neither random nor senseless. they’re systematic and predictable.

that’s good. it has such a – rational sound to it.

finally, a book i have been gnawing on for months now is made to stick – why some ideas survive and others die, by dan and chip heath. i’m “gnawing” not because it is hard to read – it decidedly is a joy to read – but because there is so much useful information in it. the main idea of the book is that in order to get a message through to an audience – students, for example – the last thing we need to do is inundate them with facts (which is something our rational brain likes to do). ideas that stick are simple, unexpected, concrete, credible, contain a story, and appeal to our emotions.

they give an example of an appeal to help starving children in malawi, africa. one appeal provided very informative statistical bullet point to show reasons for giving; the other told of a little girl, and what the money would do to help her educate and provide her with medical care. not only did the story-based appeal result in donations over twice as high but also when potential donors were presented with both the story and the statistics, they still gave significantly less.

as i said, many of the points i made are pretty obvious. but do we really act on them? often, way too often, it seems that some irrational part of our brain tells us to keep hitting people over the head with too much rationality.

does that happen to you? how do you deal with it?

blogathon: 15 books i treasure

canadian mental health association

this is an entry for my participation in the 2008 blogathon, a 24-hour marathon of blogging. please support the cause and donate – however much, however little – to the canadian mental health association (vancouver/burnaby branch). to donate, email me or use this URL: www.canadahelps.org/CharityProfilePage.aspx?CharityID=d2252. you should be able to get there by clicking the link; if not, just copy and paste the link into your browser. it will take you to the appropriate location at canada helps.

thank you for visiting, reading, commenting and, if you can, donating!

books seem to be very much the theme of this blogathon.

i’m sitting here at this table surrounded by books. i probably won’t quote from all of them. but they’re all very dear to me. here’s a (very partial and random!) list of my favourite non-fiction books:

  1. full contact magick, by kerr cuhulain (one of my favourite pagan books, written by a vancouver policeman)
  2. creative visualization, by shakti gawain (THE classic in visualization)
  3. the places that scare you, by pema chodron (a wonderful buddhist nun)
  4. the lazy man’s guide to enlightenment, by thaddeus golas (an old, old classic about meditation. you can read it online)
  5. ten zen seconds, by eric maisel (not really about zen but still, a great book of “twelve incantations for purpose, power and calm”)
  6. raise your right hand against fear, extend the other in compassion, by sheldon kopp (one of my favourite psychologist. “compassion is joined with common sense”)
  7. peoplemaking, by virginia satir (another of my psychologist heroes. one of the best books ever about communication and relationships)
  8. how can i help, by ram dass (if you’re in the helping profession, this book is an absolute must. very down to earth)
  9. the best within, by neil boyd (about male aggression)
  10. escape from babel, by scott miller, barry duncan and mark hubble (my brief therapy bible)
  11. cave of tigers, by john daido loori (a series of zen teachings by a north american buddhist who also happens to be a fabulous artist)
  12. an introduction to language, by viktoria fromkin and robert rodman (a linguistics text book)
  13. gaining, by aimee liu (“the truth about life after eating disorders” – not only very informative but also very, very well written)
  14. dark nights of the soul, by thomas moore (“thomas moore asks us to acknowledge the dark moon within us all”)
  15. creativity: flow and the psychology of discovery and invention, by mihaly csikszentmihalyi (one of the foremost researchers on creativity)