Tag Archives: jokes

german joke

i just made my first comment on a german psychiatrist’s blog! to celebrate this, i’m translating this joke here, which was one of his blog posts.

back in december, the hospital hired three cannibals as janitors – john, frank and randy. it’s so difficult to get good help! on their first day, the human resource manager shook their hands and said, “welcome to the team! you’ll make good money, and the cafeteria has good food, so please, no need to get too interested in your co-workers.” that was fine with the three.

four months later, they were asked to see the human resource manager again. “you’re all doing very good work, and i’m very satisfied with you. only one small thing: one of our nurses has gone missing. do you know what might have happened there?” the cannibals said no, no idea.

after they left the room, frank hissed at john and randy: “which one of you two blockheads ate the nurse?”

randy slowly raised his hand. frank tore in to him, “for four months now we’ve been eating nothing but hospital managers, and nobody noticed it. and now you idiot have to eat a nurse?!”

on being a (cracked?) teapot

time for some fun.

here are some jokes about people who are crazy.

what???

“what a hypocrite this isabella is, talking about getting rid of the stigma of mental illness and then she makes jokes about people in ‘mental hospitals’, and calls them crazy? that word in itself shows her true colours!”

yes, you could say that. you could also hear that i’m one of those crazy people.

or … and …

… you could see not only the funny in these stories but also the wisdom of the crazy and the absurd …

theatre of the absurd

a man is strolling past the mental hospital and suddenly remembers an important meeting. unfortunately, his watch has stopped, and he cannot tell if he is late or not. then, he notices a patient similarly strolling about within the hospital fence. calling out to the patient, the man says,

“pardon me, sir, but do you have the time?” the patient calls back, “one moment!” and throws himself upon the ground, pulling out a short stick as he does. he pushes the stick into the ground, and, pulling out a carpenter’s level, assures himself that the stick is vertical. with a compass, the patient locates north and with a steel ruler, measures the precise length of the shadow cast by the stick. withdrawing a slide rule from his pocket, the patient calculates rapidly, then swiftly packs up all his tools and turns back to the pedestrian, saying, “it is now precisely 2:37 pm, provided today is may the twenty-second, which i believe it is.”

the man can’t help but be impressed by this demonstration, and sets his watch accordingly. before he leaves, he says to the patient, “that was really quite remarkable, but tell me, what do you do on a cloudy day, or at night, when the stick casts no shadow?” the patient holds up his wrist and says, “i suppose i’d just look at my watch.”

dr. leroy, the head psychiatrist at the local mental hospital, is examining patients to see if they’re cured and ready to re-enter society.

“so, mr. clark,” the doctor says to one of his patients, “i see by your chart that you’ve been recommended for dismissal. do you have any idea what you might do once you’re released?”

the patient thinks for a moment, then replies, “well, i went to school for mechanical engineering. that’s still a good field, good money there. but on the other hand, i thought i might write a book about my experience here in the hospital, what it’s like to be a patient here. people might be interested in reading a book like that. in addition, i thought i might go back to college and study art history, which i’ve grown interested in lately.”

dr. leroy nods and says, “yes, those all sound like intriguing possibilities.”

the patient replies, “and the best part is, in my spare time, i can go on being a teapot.”

a psychologist is evaluating three new patients at a mental hospital.

he asks the first one, “how much is two times two?” and the man replies, “five thousand!”

without comment, he moves on to the next one and again asks, “how much is two times two?” the patient replies, “that would be friday!”

“how much is two times two?” he asked the third. “four!” he replies. “excellent,” the encouraged medic says, “can you tell me how you arrived at that figure?”

“simple,” he explained. “i just divided 5000 by friday!”

(image by perreira, who has the first catalan blog i’ve ever encountered)