the mystery of anorexia blogs

today i thought i’d surf around for some blogs on anorexia. i was looking for active, relatively up-to-date blogs that would talk about the experience of living with or recovering from anorexia, or perhaps the experience of living with or caring about someone with anorexia.

i thought it would be easy – it’s a well-known topic, it’s an issue that affects a lot of people. but after spending almost a whole day on and off (granted, with a slow connection here in kelowna, where i am on vacation), i came up with nothing. only when it occurred to me to go to xanga, a blog/friend site used quite a bit by young women, did i strike gold.

an example are these sites so fat so sad, purely natural, georgia87, and QueenAnorexia. in fact, xanga has its own blog ring for people with anorexia.

why could i not find anything anywhere else?

let’s see. if i were dealing with anorexia, would i want to write about it?

there are several stages/layers of anorexia. in the beginning, it seems to the person that nothing is wrong – maybe she just really enjoys being slim and making sure that she won’t overeat. the thought of anorexia would not ever come up, so there is nothing to write about.

later on, people start to comment on how thin the person is, that maybe she should see a doctor, that she should “just eat more”, or not be so concerned about body image. maybe the odd person might mention the possibility of anorexia.

at this point, the person will either look into the possibility that she has anorexia, or get annoyed at all these people trying to mess with her life (this latter one being the far more frequent scenario). i could see how writing an online journal might be a way to let off some steam here.

as the anorexia progresses, this annoyance increases more and more, although it may not feel like the anger that is perceived as annoyance – labeling feelings, especially feelings that are not “perfect” can be very difficult for people with anorexia.

if i was in that situation, i might want to hang out with people who understand, people who won’t bug me all the time about my thinness, people who understand how crucially important it is not to be fat. this is the point at which many people – and more often than not they are women – discover the pro ana movement, a group that promotes anorexia as a lifestyle rather than an illness.

the web was full of pro ana sites and blogs a few years ago but understandably, many ended up being banned (for example, people aren’t able to post pro ana sites on blogger anymore). i wonder whether there are still quite a few such blogs around but only in little niches in the web that are hard to access for people who don’t know their way around the pro ana world.

at this stage of anorexia, some people end up in treatment, willingly or unwillingly. i wouldn’t expect too many blogs to appear during the beginning phases of individual therapy or while they are in a treatment center.

after (or between) treatments, some people end up back in an anorexic lifestyle (who might then re-join the pro ana community on the web), and others wrestle with the challenges of recovery. it is here that i am most surprised that i couldn’t find anything other than in xanga. there are quite a few blogs around of people in recovery, why not anorexics in recovery? hopefully we’ll get some comments on this.

it makes sense, of course, that young women with anorexia would want to stick with sites such as xanga, which is a site designed for and frequented mostly by teenagers. “serious” older bloggers would probably not want to use xanga as a platform. which leaves the question, where are all the 25+ people who live with or are recovering from anorexia? no bloggers there? maybe i should post this question at something fishy, one of the most frequently used sites for people recovering from anorexia.

by the way, it was much easier to find blogs that deal with bulimia, for example hungry guy, the bulimia blog, bulimia free or swimming through sick lullabies. now why is that?

isabella mori
counselling in vancouver

29 thoughts on “the mystery of anorexia blogs

  1. Ryan aka Hungry Guy

    hey, i’m da hungry guy ryan! =)

    hmm, i dunno, for me, i started off with anorexia, and progressed into COE then bulimia. i have an old blog foodguilt.blogspot.com which i wrote in while i was in my anorexic phase.

    i guess, it just seems like there’s so much more to life to blog and bitch about when a person’s bulimic, since everything is so outta control, whereas, well, when i’m anorexic, i’m at peace with myself and life seemed more predictable and ‘boring’ (same food, same gym routine, same everything, barely any depression).

    i’m not sure if i’m in the majority, but that’s just how it goes for me!

  2. Ryan aka Hungry Guy

    hey, i’m da hungry guy ryan! =)

    hmm, i dunno, for me, i started off with anorexia, and progressed into COE then bulimia. i have an old blog foodguilt.blogspot.com which i wrote in while i was in my anorexic phase.

    i guess, it just seems like there’s so much more to life to blog and bitch about when a person’s bulimic, since everything is so outta control, whereas, well, when i’m anorexic, i’m at peace with myself and life seemed more predictable and ‘boring’ (same food, same gym routine, same everything, barely any depression).

    i’m not sure if i’m in the majority, but that’s just how it goes for me!

  3. Julie

    Like Ryan, above, I too felt more at peace and happy with myself during my anorexia phase which led me to write about other things besides food – mainly because food was an after thought instead of the focus. When I’ve cycled to the bulimia phase, which I’m at now, it consumes me and my every thought. Anyway, I just wanted to agree that it’s like that for me, too.

  4. Julie

    Like Ryan, above, I too felt more at peace and happy with myself during my anorexia phase which led me to write about other things besides food – mainly because food was an after thought instead of the focus. When I’ve cycled to the bulimia phase, which I’m at now, it consumes me and my every thought. Anyway, I just wanted to agree that it’s like that for me, too.

  5. Mandy

    from my experience, anorexia and bulimia are two completely different monsters…

    Anorexics might be able to convince themselves they are just on a diet, which goes along with the denial. There is no denying bulimia though.

  6. Mandy

    from my experience, anorexia and bulimia are two completely different monsters…

    Anorexics might be able to convince themselves they are just on a diet, which goes along with the denial. There is no denying bulimia though.

  7. admin

    thank you, ryan, julie and mandy. what you say about the reason why there are more bulimia blogs makes total sense. it goes to show that one always needs to go to the horse’s mouth, doesn’t it? thank you for your expert comments! isabella

  8. admin

    thank you, ryan, julie and mandy. what you say about the reason why there are more bulimia blogs makes total sense. it goes to show that one always needs to go to the horse’s mouth, doesn’t it? thank you for your expert comments! isabella

  9. georgia

    Hi,
    Hmm, i do agree to an extent with the comments above, regarding bulimic people feeling more consumed with food (so to put it) yet i also think there are stages within anorexia beyond ‘feeling at peace’ with yourself. There is the stage that many people suffering from anorexia are at (including myself) whereby the anorexia is no longer something we wish to embrace, but rather desire change and recovery, a life again..

    It’s this struggle with recovery that is documented in these blogs and people reading it often provide support with recovery, something that is vital in the recovery process when the anorexia is often at its most potent.

    There are myriad blogs of belonging to anorexics attempting to recover (mine included, which i see you have created a link to above) it’s just that recovery is such an elusive concept..those attempting to recover go through stages of feeling positive and doing well, and at other times slip and feel negative and so immersing themselves into anorexia once more. It isn’t as clear cut as pro-ana and pro-recovery.

    Do feel free to contact me if you require any further information etc.

    georgia

  10. georgia

    Hi,
    Hmm, i do agree to an extent with the comments above, regarding bulimic people feeling more consumed with food (so to put it) yet i also think there are stages within anorexia beyond ‘feeling at peace’ with yourself. There is the stage that many people suffering from anorexia are at (including myself) whereby the anorexia is no longer something we wish to embrace, but rather desire change and recovery, a life again..

    It’s this struggle with recovery that is documented in these blogs and people reading it often provide support with recovery, something that is vital in the recovery process when the anorexia is often at its most potent.

    There are myriad blogs of belonging to anorexics attempting to recover (mine included, which i see you have created a link to above) it’s just that recovery is such an elusive concept..those attempting to recover go through stages of feeling positive and doing well, and at other times slip and feel negative and so immersing themselves into anorexia once more. It isn’t as clear cut as pro-ana and pro-recovery.

    Do feel free to contact me if you require any further information etc.

    georgia

  11. admin

    hi georgia, and thanks for your comment. it looks like what you’re saying that there are indeed a lot of people who are wrestling with recovering from anorexia and who have blogs – exactly the kinds of blogs i had expected to find. so i’ll definitely get in touch with you to read up on those blogs, and i’m looking forward to reporting back on them here.

  12. admin

    hi georgia, and thanks for your comment. it looks like what you’re saying that there are indeed a lot of people who are wrestling with recovering from anorexia and who have blogs – exactly the kinds of blogs i had expected to find. so i’ll definitely get in touch with you to read up on those blogs, and i’m looking forward to reporting back on them here.

  13. Charlotte

    Hi Georgia,

    I’m a recovering anorexic and it’s only in the last 18 months that I’ve got my life back on track after being diagnosed 5 years before that. I’d had lots of therapy and understood everything but I was still too afraid to let go and do life.

    What changed? I learnt, 2 years ago that anorexia is a form of addiction. So is bulimia and COE. It’s only then that things started to change and I learnt how to take action in a gentle way. I was spiritually dead. I’ve learnt to trust in a power greater than myself. I wanted to be perfect and be 100% in control. Today I see how toxic that is.

    I’m passionate about the fact that anorexia is one of the most misunderstood diseases out there. Thanks to seeing your blog this evening I’m inspired to start writing about my experience.

    I’m so grateful to have found the support that helped to set me free. I didn’t know what happiness was before. I didn’t know what life was like without a racing head and obsession. Now I do and I wouldn’t swap it for anything. I still have anorexic thoughts but I don’t act on them.

    Feel free to contact me if you’d like to know more…

  14. Charlotte

    Hi Georgia,

    I’m a recovering anorexic and it’s only in the last 18 months that I’ve got my life back on track after being diagnosed 5 years before that. I’d had lots of therapy and understood everything but I was still too afraid to let go and do life.

    What changed? I learnt, 2 years ago that anorexia is a form of addiction. So is bulimia and COE. It’s only then that things started to change and I learnt how to take action in a gentle way. I was spiritually dead. I’ve learnt to trust in a power greater than myself. I wanted to be perfect and be 100% in control. Today I see how toxic that is.

    I’m passionate about the fact that anorexia is one of the most misunderstood diseases out there. Thanks to seeing your blog this evening I’m inspired to start writing about my experience.

    I’m so grateful to have found the support that helped to set me free. I didn’t know what happiness was before. I didn’t know what life was like without a racing head and obsession. Now I do and I wouldn’t swap it for anything. I still have anorexic thoughts but I don’t act on them.

    Feel free to contact me if you’d like to know more…

  15. isabella mori

    thanks for your comment, charlotte. i agree with you that anorexia is a form of addiction. it sounds like whatever you’re doing really works for you, you sound SOOO enthusiastic!

    btw, for our readers who don’t know what COE means – it means compulsive overeating.

  16. isabella mori

    thanks for your comment, charlotte. i agree with you that anorexia is a form of addiction. it sounds like whatever you’re doing really works for you, you sound SOOO enthusiastic!

    btw, for our readers who don’t know what COE means – it means compulsive overeating.

  17. rachel

    hi everyone. so i was anorexic last year for about 8 months and then i went through recovery. the only reason it lasted 8 months is because my mom freaked out and pulled me right out. i hated her so much then because i was desperate to hold on to my ED. even though she handled it pretty badly (force fed me…made me feel guilty for what i was “putting her through so selfishly”) im so glad that i got pulled out and am “better” (physically…i got my period finally). anyways, right now i find that ive lost control of my eating again. i think i eat more than the average person, and its suddenly so much harder for me to restrict but it makes me miss ana so much. i dont know if that could be considered COE but has anyone felt the same way after recovery?

  18. rachel

    hi everyone. so i was anorexic last year for about 8 months and then i went through recovery. the only reason it lasted 8 months is because my mom freaked out and pulled me right out. i hated her so much then because i was desperate to hold on to my ED. even though she handled it pretty badly (force fed me…made me feel guilty for what i was “putting her through so selfishly”) im so glad that i got pulled out and am “better” (physically…i got my period finally). anyways, right now i find that ive lost control of my eating again. i think i eat more than the average person, and its suddenly so much harder for me to restrict but it makes me miss ana so much. i dont know if that could be considered COE but has anyone felt the same way after recovery?

  19. isabella mori

    hi rachel, and thanks for your comment!

    recovery is usually a long process. what you’ve described is quite normal. do you have a support network that can assist you with the aftermath of going through anorexia? eventually, the idea would be to get to a point where thoughts about eating or not eating are not an important part of your life anymore.

  20. isabella mori

    hi rachel, and thanks for your comment!

    recovery is usually a long process. what you’ve described is quite normal. do you have a support network that can assist you with the aftermath of going through anorexia? eventually, the idea would be to get to a point where thoughts about eating or not eating are not an important part of your life anymore.

  21. Emi Nakajima

    What a great find. I just started writing about my experiences with my anorexia and haven’t found much until this. Glad to see I’m not the only one noticing the lack of good information online, honest discussion, and open support. I just read the book “Gaining” by Aimee Liu, which talks mostly about the lifetime recovery process for anorexics. Don’t know if anyone else here has read it, it’s new, but I thought it was pretty useful and interesting.

  22. Emi Nakajima

    What a great find. I just started writing about my experiences with my anorexia and haven’t found much until this. Glad to see I’m not the only one noticing the lack of good information online, honest discussion, and open support. I just read the book “Gaining” by Aimee Liu, which talks mostly about the lifetime recovery process for anorexics. Don’t know if anyone else here has read it, it’s new, but I thought it was pretty useful and interesting.

  23. Terra

    I’ve just recently finished Liu’s book and found it to be amazingly accurate to my life. I’m starting to notice the pattern that her book opens with – even recovered, not just active, anorexics seem to have the same idiosyncracies. It’s interesting to consider that maybe, after a time of living with the condition, that we inherit ana-dar…being able to spot someone who is/was facing similar mental dilemmas.

    Part of the reason that I started writing on my site was for exactly the reasons you’ve questioned Isabella – the lack of non-recovery/non-pro sites out there. I know that I’m not unique in being trapped between occasionally, even sometimes shallowly, wanting to recover and being immersed and receiving “peace” from being active in the illness. Add to it my long history (this birthday will mark my 20th year, give or take a few recoveries) and the fact that I’m actually fairly accepting of myself, weaknesses/psych issues and all, and I think it’s maybe a vessel that others could use.

  24. Terra

    I’ve just recently finished Liu’s book and found it to be amazingly accurate to my life. I’m starting to notice the pattern that her book opens with – even recovered, not just active, anorexics seem to have the same idiosyncracies. It’s interesting to consider that maybe, after a time of living with the condition, that we inherit ana-dar…being able to spot someone who is/was facing similar mental dilemmas.

    Part of the reason that I started writing on my site was for exactly the reasons you’ve questioned Isabella – the lack of non-recovery/non-pro sites out there. I know that I’m not unique in being trapped between occasionally, even sometimes shallowly, wanting to recover and being immersed and receiving “peace” from being active in the illness. Add to it my long history (this birthday will mark my 20th year, give or take a few recoveries) and the fact that I’m actually fairly accepting of myself, weaknesses/psych issues and all, and I think it’s maybe a vessel that others could use.

  25. Stephanie Long

    Having recovered from bulimia over 30 years ago, and having been involved with the field ever since, my impression is that individuals with anorexia are a bit more guarded about their behaviors and around other people than those with bulimia, who are a little more impulsive and social. This would be consistent with your having a hard time finding blogs by people with AN. In would think that someone with AN might be very afraid that talking about it might mean they would have to give it up, and for someone with BN, talking about it might just be a way to shock people or be rebellious. These are just impressions, not proven theories.
    Thanks for the opportunity.

  26. Stephanie Long

    Having recovered from bulimia over 30 years ago, and having been involved with the field ever since, my impression is that individuals with anorexia are a bit more guarded about their behaviors and around other people than those with bulimia, who are a little more impulsive and social. This would be consistent with your having a hard time finding blogs by people with AN. In would think that someone with AN might be very afraid that talking about it might mean they would have to give it up, and for someone with BN, talking about it might just be a way to shock people or be rebellious. These are just impressions, not proven theories.
    Thanks for the opportunity.

  27. isabella mori

    thank you for this insightful comment, stephanie. it seems to go with what i was thinking, too – that people with anorexia often want to guard their way of life. your comments about bulimia are interesting and make a lot of sense; thanks for articulating this so well! bulimia is literally more “out there”.

  28. isabella mori

    thank you for this insightful comment, stephanie. it seems to go with what i was thinking, too – that people with anorexia often want to guard their way of life. your comments about bulimia are interesting and make a lot of sense; thanks for articulating this so well! bulimia is literally more “out there”.

  29. Ashley

    i think my gf is anorexic but she sometimes eats and throws up when she does
    i hate it and i dnot know hwo she fels and i have asked her to explain it to me but she cant she doesnt know how to
    so idk i wanna talk to someone who has gone through it and can explain to me how she feels
    plz plz zpl i wanna do anythign to help her get better

  30. Ashley

    i think my gf is anorexic but she sometimes eats and throws up when she does
    i hate it and i dnot know hwo she fels and i have asked her to explain it to me but she cant she doesnt know how to
    so idk i wanna talk to someone who has gone through it and can explain to me how she feels
    plz plz zpl i wanna do anythign to help her get better

  31. isabella mori

    hi ashley – thanks for writing. it’s awful to see something go through this – it makes you feel so helpless, doesn’t it?

    perhaps your girlfriend is anorexic bulimic. and yes, it’s very difficult for people to explain what this feels like. some people are in the throes of this disease precisely BECAUSE they cannot express what’s going on inside of them.

    a good place for you to go is somethingfishy.org, or gurze’s articles, here http://www.gurze.com/client/client_pages/eatingdisorderinfo.cfm#Bul

    let me know if this works for you!

  32. isabella mori

    hi ashley – thanks for writing. it’s awful to see something go through this – it makes you feel so helpless, doesn’t it?

    perhaps your girlfriend is anorexic bulimic. and yes, it’s very difficult for people to explain what this feels like. some people are in the throes of this disease precisely BECAUSE they cannot express what’s going on inside of them.

    a good place for you to go is somethingfishy.org, or gurze’s articles, here http://www.gurze.com/client/client_pages/eatingdisorderinfo.cfm#Bul

    let me know if this works for you!

  33. Ashley

    yea it does make me feel like that
    i am going through and looking at the things you gave me
    but im not sure thats what im looking for
    i think im looking to talk to people who have it or have gone through it
    just so they can help me to understand it
    thanks

  34. Ashley

    yea it does make me feel like that
    i am going through and looking at the things you gave me
    but im not sure thats what im looking for
    i think im looking to talk to people who have it or have gone through it
    just so they can help me to understand it
    thanks

  35. worried sister

    Hello everyone. i am the sister of a girl with anorexia. it is very scary and im pretty new to it. she just started to admit she has a problem and she has all the symptoms. since most people commenting on here have had eating disorders i think this is the best way for me to educate myself. how should i deal wiht her? should I try to talk to her about it? please help me!

  36. worried sister

    Hello everyone. i am the sister of a girl with anorexia. it is very scary and im pretty new to it. she just started to admit she has a problem and she has all the symptoms. since most people commenting on here have had eating disorders i think this is the best way for me to educate myself. how should i deal wiht her? should I try to talk to her about it? please help me!

  37. isabella mori

    hi sinead and thanks!

    this post was written almost two years ago, and since then i’ve found more and more blogs that talk about anorexia recovery – but boy, was it ever difficult back then to find good material!

    i’ll be sure to to visit your blog as soon as i can.

  38. isabella mori

    hi sinead and thanks!

    this post was written almost two years ago, and since then i’ve found more and more blogs that talk about anorexia recovery – but boy, was it ever difficult back then to find good material!

    i’ll be sure to to visit your blog as soon as i can.

  39. holl

    I think that there are good blogs out there, because i also feel more peaceful anorexic, and I feel the need to write. Why? because I’m what i define as recovery anorexic. I beat bulimia, beat the alcohol use I had to buffer it, and I am not losing any weight. I am still anorexic because I am well below my body weight, but at least I have stopped losing weight, so I find myself on the struggle upwards and it is a battle only me and people in my spot could ever understand because my friends and family will not talk about it. I am still perfect to them. If you take this side, feel free to stop by and let me know! I in know why support any disease, but there is something to be said for those fighting it coming together for support.
    http://anorexiaalcoholic.blogspot.com/

    holl’s last blog post..The beginnings of anorexia

  40. Megan B.

    Thank you, Barbara. I read that one and it’s good. I also have heard good things about that person’s book (I am the sister of a recovering anorexic).

    http://www.eatingdisorderblogs.com has a lot of really good information to share. I thought I would mention that as well.

  41. isabella mori

    holl, megan, leza – of course, in the meantime (this was written in 2006) i have found more anorexia blogs – otherwise i couldn’t have run the eating disorders carnival for two years. it’s great that more people are talking about it!

  42. fischhaeppchen

    But it’s still a bit hard to find English ones…
    I know quite a lot in German but when I started my own English one lately I realised there aren’t nearly as many in English.
    Somehow strange, as there should be many more English people out there *thinking*
    But perhaps I’m just a bit stupid *g*
    .-= fischhaeppchen´s last blog ..So awkward =-.

  43. Molly

    I have a Pro-Ana blog (:
    I’m not sure if that’s what people here are looking for, but you might want to check it out.

    xoxoxo

    I’m Molly. Follow me in my journey to perfection. I’m here to support you. To comfort you. To help you in your journey. Together we can do it.

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