i’m here with my husband’s clan of grandparents, aunts, nieces, sisters, in-laws … i’m really one lucky duck. often i think of the difficult family situations that other people are in and i am just so very, very grateful to be part of families that by and large are loving, accepting, and eager to show understanding and goodwill towards each other.
what an incredible gift! the families that i am part of are not dominated by jealousy, estrangement, controlling parents, family violence and family secrets as so many families in this world are.
i hope i don’t sound like i’m gloating or bragging. i’m just – astounded. astounded that i am able to partake in this great luxury. there was a time in my life when i wasn’t so lucky, when there was pretense that everything was fine and perfect and underneath there were very dark clouds.
and of course, they reached back for generations. a young man brought up in a a strict home, one his father couldn’t stand anymore and just upped and disappeared one day. the young man, hurt by his father leaving and bewildered by his sexuality that had him attracted to other young men – an unspeakable attraction that, painfully, probably never experienced fulfilment – found an outlet in the grim adventures of war.
later he carried all of this with him into his new family, founded with a woman deeply wounded by the horrors of war. they really loved each other, i think, but their love was speckled and darkened by all the baggage they had brought into the family. their children each received some of this heritage. and some of this heritage was brought into my life and into the lives of my children.
generations and generations of suffering. and somehow it seems like my generation and the next have a chance to clear it up, make it better.
thank you, god/universe/fate. i’ll try my best to pass on the good fortune that i have received.
isabella mori
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