there was an interesting post a few days ago on PsychCentral, predicting that january 21st – yesterday – would be the most depressing day of the year, according to cliff arnall. or maybe not. maybe it’s in october.
whatever it is, the most interesting part of that article to me was that they also touched on the fact that there are so many people out there who don’t feel good, and might very likely be depressed, but don’t go and look for help for it.
it saddens me to see people suffering with symptoms of depression, suffering in silence, when there is help available. of course part of being depressed can often include difficulties with
- believing that anything or anyone can help
- being motivated to reach out for help
- having enough energy to get help
there are so many depression treatments out there. many of them work. and in there: many of the resources are inside of us.
but today, let’s ask the question, how can the depressed person get there? specifically, if we have a friend who is battling with depression, how can we help him or her to reach for whatever it is that’ll help them get better? there were already a few suggestions in a previous post; but since this is such an important and timely topic, let’s talk a bit more about it.
i say just be a friend. just hang out with them. don’t tiptoe around them but do respect where they are emotionally. for example, feel free to ask them if they want to go for a walk with you but don’t drown them in your enthusiasm: “but it’s so beautiful out! you’ll love it, for sure!” people who are depressed often feel nobody understands how they feel, and raining happy-happy feelings on them will deepen that feeling.
when you hang around long enough, an opportunity might arise when you might be able to help them reach out. your friend might say, “well, maybe i should go see a doctor.” you can then casually mention that you could drive them. again, i recommend against jumping on your friend, “yes! great! let’s go right now!” depression often feels like your very foundations are crumbling. if your approach to your friend is too hale and hearty, it might make the foundations feel even tremblier.
if you’re really concerned about your friend, don’t hesitate to honestly share this with them. make sure that you honour both your and your friend’s feelings. you could ask your friend first whether it’s okay for you to tell them what’s on your mind. take their reply seriously. if they say, “no, i can’t hear that right now,” back off. most likely they’ll show a certain indifference.
if you feel you have a go-ahead, tell them how you feel. yes, that’s how you feel, not what they should do. big difference. most likely, too, if you’re honest with yourself, one of the reasons why you want them to go to a doctor is so that you can feel better. if that’s the case, lay it all out on the table. once again, talk about how you feel, how you’re feeling helpless or scared or confused. and then state to them that only they know what’s best for them, that you can’t force them to make any decisions.
if you don’t know what else to do, and particularly if you’re afraid your friend is actively suicidal, call a hotline.
have you ever helped someone who was dealing with depression? have you ever been helped? what worked? what didn’t?