i was going to give you my opinion on how to reconcile the two opposing ideas presented in my two previous blog entries – but you’ll have to wait one more day. something just drifted into my mailbox that relates to the topic of “you made me do it”. and it’s funny. ghalil, author of the professional dreamer, presents sleazy used-car-type salesman art slater, intent on selling his hottest new product, unworthiness. here are a few excerpts:
Have I Got a Deal for You!
Interested in unworthiness?
Well, hold on to your hats ’cause there’s more…Oh yes! With unworthiness, you get to worry. You get to stress. You get to feel like a spring wound so tight that if you let go you’ll bust the planet.
And here’s the best part…you can be unworthy just like that”snap your fingers folks! It’s just that easy. In fact, most veterans of unworthiness will tell you that all it takes is maybe one or two small life experiences to feel absolutely crushed and useless…and hold on…for the rest of your life! That’s right folks! Once you get a hold of unworthiness, you can feel unworthy for years, decades, even an entire century!
Now, I could stop right here knowing you’re already sold on unworthiness, but I want you to be absolutely sure about your decision to live in hell. So, I’m going to tell you about all the extras that make unworthiness a truly unbelievable deal!
First, you’ll never be good enough!
And let me tell you this…Do you like purpose? If so, you’ll really go for unworthiness, because when you’re unworthy, you know exactly what your purpose in life is: struggle! That’s your lot in life!
Now, you might be thinking, “Hey, Art, maybe I’m already unworthy? How do I know?” Good question! That’s easy. You see, early in your life someone flat out tells you! That’s right! It’s just that simple. Someone clearly tells you’re not doing things right or they abandon, reject or ignore you. In some way, it’s made very clear that you’re not important and should not express yourself…lest you make a complete and utter mess of things!
Okay, you’re asking, “Why would anyone believe all this?” Oh, I’m glad you asked this. The answer reveals another whopping bonus to being unworthy”others opinions are the only opinions that count. Unworthy people don’t have opinions! They have to earn the right to ask for what they want, speak their mind or express themselves.
And get this : when you’re unworthy, you get to smile a lot”a great big, fake, “it pains me to do this” smile. Oh, and you’ll pick out your personality each morning like picking out your clothing. You’ll become an actor. You’ll play parts that please people. You see, being unworthy means keeping people happy so they don’t see the “real” you.
And that’s not all! Oh no! You get to constantly do for others, martyr yourself, sacrifice day in and day out, and then, be constantly reminded that others never do for you! And you can count on this! As an unworthy person, you’ll be a very well practiced actor. You’ll teach others how to treat you. You’ll teach others to take advantage of you all the time!
By choosing to be unworthy, you get to go through life second guessing everything you do! You’ll expend enormous amounts of energy calculating people’s reactions to your behavior and making constant people-pleasing adjustments!
(Art waves his hands in the air like an overzealous television evangelist…) You get to be a perfectionist! You get to place exceptional expectations on yourself! You get to feel angry for weeks, guilty for years and frustrated like nobody’s business! You get to work harder than anyone else just to maintain a pathetic level of goodness so no one is tempted to look at what lies beneath your mask!
And folks, I promise you, unworthiness will affect every area of your life! It’s the gift that just keeps on giving! …
click here for the whole of art’s spiel.
the idea of unworthiness is really quite interesting here. if i’m not worthy, i don’t have much control over my feelings. i only “get to” do things. see how art likes that expression? you get to do this, you get to have that … the whole idea of “getting to” do/have/feel something always rubbed me the wrong way. it seems like something that some big king-type authority allows me to have, completely at his whim as in: “here is a crumb off my table – today you get to feel happy”.
i don’t want to “get to” do, feel or have anything. as a person of worth, i want to create, claim and choose. i want to create an abundance of choices; i want to claim the beauty, worth and love that’s my birthright simply by being a creature on this earth; i want to choose my feelings, thoughts and behaviours as much as that is possible.
that’s how this ties in with the “you made me do it” topic. my feelings are mine; your feelings are yours. neither you nor i need to wait for someone to “get to” feel anything. of course that doesn’t mean that our feelings are 100% independent from what happens around us – but it means that when all is said and done, nobody but i can be responsible for my feelings.
counselling in vancouver