“research convincingly shows that people come to therapy not because they have problems but because they have become demoralized about their chances of resolving particular challenges.”

this is something i brought up in one of my earliest blog entries. there, i talked about how we face problems all the time, and how the “size” of a problem seems more to be related to our personal attitudes to them than to “what” the problem actually is.

today, rereading these words, i got stopped short by this sentence again. people become demoralized about their chances of resolving particular challenges.

in other words, they become hopeless.

“they” become hopeless.

never mind “they”: i, too, have moments of being hopeless. i wouldn’t even call it that (my ego doesn’t like it when i call myself hopeless; it is convinced that it has a reputation to uphold) but still, that’s what it is, essentially. for example, when i find it difficult to imagine a solution. i stand in front of the problem and the problem is huge, blocks out all my view. what i personally tend to do then is to imagine/pretend/rationalize that what is in front of me is “reality”. for example, when i lived in an abusive relationship, i arranged my emotional world-view so that things like having my partner block my children’s and my friendships was normal, not being talked to for three days was normal, his being cruel to animals was normal … wait, i couldn’t call it “cruel”, of course – it was “not treating animals like humans” – so, yes, you can see how i had to adjust my language, too.

in my hopelessness, i rearranged my values, my language, my love for my children because there seemed no solution in sight.

i am grateful that the day came when i could see a solution. and i don’t think i could have done it myself. i had help. from friends, strangers, family – even a lovely policewoman, a victim of domestic violence herself.

yes, i am grateful.

oh, just before i go … what did i just say? that i had adjusted my language to fit the reality of my problem? and what had i said earlier? something about having difficulties calling some of my moments hopeless?

hmmm … ??!!

isabella mori
counselling in vancouver

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