learning. seriously.

okay, it’s fall, everyone back to school! dave has tagged me for a meme to develop some classes. here is the first one:

(and an apology to my readers for the temporary appearance of this blog. this will change!)

confucius on confusion 121
you’ve taken a philosophy course back in … when was it again … but your addled brain has forgotten most of it? you keep foncusing your light brain with your reft? let master kung straighten you out. only one analect per lesson! hard to forget!

prerequisite: the ability to remember to show up for the course.

materials: bring whatever parts of your brain you can find.

with a guest appearance by professor yu dan

now of course it’s nice to go to classes with your friends. here’s one of dave’s i’d like to attend:

british columbia geography 399
clueless about where all of those places in the lower mainland are? can’t tell nootka from bella coola (or even bela lugosi?) this course will get you straightened out, with numerous field trips to various bc geological and cultural landmarks. students will compare topological maps to actual terrain via helicopter and float-plane fly-overs, and at the end of the semester, the class will pool their newly gained knowledge at a spa retreat in tofino.

prerequisite: none, except for a hefty tuition fee

i’ll have to co-ordinate that with the next course i’ve come up with:

olive oils 499
only for advanced users. taught by olive oil expert santiago botas. a selection of topics: the thermal stability of extra virgin and virgin olive oil at high altitudes; the politics of pre-950 BCE phoenician olive cultivation; caesar salad: olive oil from greece or portugal?

prerequisite: caesar salad 209; kitchen chemistry 100; gourmet snobbery 311.

cost: $4,999. includes flight to tuscany and 6 nights in a cold, uncomfortable, dank and drafty but very aristocratic 1300-century villa

and for the personal development people among us, we have:

SP 100
how to think like steve pavlina. how to manage your time like steve pavlina. how to blog like steve pavlina. how to make money like steve pavlina. how to do all of this without becoming a clone or being embarrassed that you really, truly think that steve pavlina is one of the best things since sliced bread.

prerequisites: only for bloggers whose blog content is at least 37% touchy-feely.

cost: we’ll have to ask steve pavlina.

instructor: steve pavlina. (please???)

being serious 00001 – an introduction
do you think the universe is a big joke? do you never attend comedy shows because just riding on the bus has you in stitches? do people look at you funny because you think everything and everyone is funny, even steve pavlina? you need serious help. you need being serious 00001. after you have successfully and earnestly applied yourself to this course, your secretary’s assistant will take you seriously at least every second friday and watching the news will not cause you to break out in uncontrollable guffaws.

warning: may cause ulcers.

now let’s tag a few more people with this meme. according to blue tea, the originator of this highly educational endeavour, the idea is to come up with a few courses that will “fix” something in your life, find a course you’d like to attend with the person who has tagged you, and pass this on to a few other people.

so here are the people i’m tagging: the decision strategist, balanced life center, friday’s child, jennifer mannion, jan karlsbjerg. finally, i urge the pastafarians to come up with a much-needed curriculum to teach us more about how the flying spaghetti monster created the world.

can’t wait for this university to open.

oh, and here is my last course.

being in the moment 000

just show up.

instructor: bud d. ha

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